Wardrobe Malfunction

Dear Readers, I am very sorry but I am posting a short-short story. It has been a favorite in other circles. I am posting it because I want very much to submit something to the short story carnival. I promise that I will try not to be one of these niche writers who also forces his fiction on you. Well without further adieux... Wardrobe Malfunction, Thank you.


Dear Victoria's Secret,

Recently, I lost my mind while in your store. First of all, I must mention that I work in a mine and that I don't receive a lot of human contact. I am thirty-four years old and have never been on a date. When I was just a young miner, my face was mangled in a mining accident. To cope with my disfigurement, I began spending more and more time underground.

In a fit of loneliness, I decided to go to the local mall and reacquaint myself with the outside world. It was there that I saw your store. After that, everything went horribly wrong. I had never seen anything like your store before. I made the worst mistake of my life when I went inside. As I found myself surrounded by lace and leather, I realized that I could not stop thinking about my mother.

I was so over stimulated that I could not think clearly. The next thing you know, I was stuffing every piece of underwear that I could find into my pockets. My foreman found me in the mine later that day in a pink negligee.

Ever since then my coworkers have not looked at me the same. I’m not sure if I will ever be able to live through the humiliation. But I also do not think that I can abandon this newfound thrill. And since this whole situation is mostly your fault, I should get at least a fifty percent discount at your store. At the very least you should give me some of your underwear, preferably used.

Sincerely,

Marge Henderson

PS. I am keeping the pink negligee.